How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
