i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
