Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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