i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
