quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
