hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
pray to the hookup gods
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
