I can tuck mytits in my pants
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
