He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
