I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
