Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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