Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize