Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I need to sanitize my soul.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
