I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
