So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
