Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize