Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dignity is for republicans.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
