I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
