Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
