this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
