im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
