Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
