I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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