Do you still have your period?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
