Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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