just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
