Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize