He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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