wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
