Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
