I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
