I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
