and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
