he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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