finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
