Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
