woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize