just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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