Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
