Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
