im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
