I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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