I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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