Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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