Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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