I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
