why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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