I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
