worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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