You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
