dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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