Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize