If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
