I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
