THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
