Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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