I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
