take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
