Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
