They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize