We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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