we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
