what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So. Much. Porn.
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