i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
