I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Someone came in the potted fern
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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