just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
