When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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