Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
