So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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