Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
