I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
