is your mom at the bar?
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize