Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
