: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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