I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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