Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's shark week go big or go home
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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