I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
