Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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