I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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