Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
