Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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