Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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