Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize