quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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