and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im drinking this country out of the recession.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
