thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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