Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
