dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
